Howl Of Love

‘If you find out what it is you love to do and give your whole life to it, then there is no contradiction, and in that state your being is your doing.’- Jiddu Krishnamurti
As someone with many passions in life, something that has arisen more than once for me and for others Ive spoken to who are also people of many passions is this- What one of my passions, when I am not attached to anything yet can see the beauty and potential in everything, then which one do I follow? Which one do I immerse myself in? Which one do I dedicate my entirety to?


Someone very wise once said to me that – ‘People become very good, become masters at doing one simple thing, and we call them great’


For a long time I asked what my one thing may be, what is I’m supposed to do , when there is so much I love?


In Reality it matters not whether in my lifetime I become a circus acrobat, a writer, a teacher, a Shaman, a musician or a tattoo artist, for they are all equal in Reality, no thing, no experience is any better or worse than any other, no life any greater, there is no lifetime, no birth, no death, for there is no coming or going, no separation, no I, there simply is. Everything, every thought, every experience, every life is just that Reality, that Oneness, Universe, God and Goddess experiencing itself through you. Or in other words- Its Reality experiencing itself through Reality.


The question then is not, what is it I choose to do with my lifetime, it is what is choosing me?
This is what speaks through our hearts, its not a case of what you think you should do, or what anyone else thinks you should do, its about when your fully open, fully expressing, what does your heart guide you to do? It is following whatever it is that you love with every ounce of yourself, it is following what you love like one single racing towards a target, you are the shooter, the arrow and the target. It is trusting completely in that which you cannot see or name. It is letting go of ‘you’ , a complete expression.


But still what if there are many things you love , how do you choose?
You don’t have to.


By following what you love, by doing what’s in your heart, what’s most important to you, things have a tendency to align and adjust themselves, some things may drop away from your experience, others may appear, whatever it you do is evolving through you. By letting whatever falls away and whatever arises naturally requires true honesty with oneself, it requires non attachment, non clinging, non judgement and no resistance, it requires complete surrender, and that is complete strength.


I grew up first and foremost training in the martial arts, as what I do has evolved through me I found my love and passion for my martial arts training evolving and changing over the years towards circus performance, towards displays of freak strength and flexibility. This to me was a natural progressions that came simply from listening to and following my heart, no agonising decision was ever required. Now in my training I don’t practice martial arts, handstands and splits have become my art, my expression, not for any lack of love, passion or inspiration from the martial arts, but form simply allowing whatever wants to express through me free.
Everything evolves……and yet no-thing changes.
It’s a matter of doing whatever it is you love, until what your supposed to do finds you.


Courage and brutal honest are needed at every moment, its easy to mistake instant gratification for your hearts desire if you are asleep, you have to be fully alert, fully alive, listening to the silence.
Going to a party on a Saturday night with free food and free drink sounds at first a hell of a lot more appealing than doing dead lifts outside in the pissing rain, but then , as I find myself warming up and heading outside to face the iron its clear to me what I truly want, what is truly expressing through me,


What is it that wants to express through you?
Truly listen……


As i look look now to the night moon, as the thunder of love bangs in my heart and courses through my veins, it fills my lungs and a mighty howl passes from my lips, i know now why i howl, the moon and i, the moon and the wolf, we are one. This is love.


The Adventure awaits…..
**This is a post from my old site Brutal Training Europe**

Wobbling Stillness

We have a tendency to judge our experiences as good or bad, some of our experiences can send us spiraling upward to the gates of Heaven and others knock us down to the pits of hell- Or so it seems.


I believe that every single thing we experience, no matter how seemingly significant or insignificant, no matter how seemingly good or bad, is perfect, and stems from something far beyond what our minds can conceive of, from a wisdom that is completely unfathomable to us in our dualistic mindset, where we judge our experience, categorise our experience, separate ourselves from our experience and from everything else.


Everything that happens is perfect, things can happen no other way, because that’s the way the thing has happened. And they all happen for a perfect reason at a perfect time, and are all a complete expression – the only thing that prevents us from experiencing this perfection is our own perceptions.


We judge and categorise every experience and therefore miss the underlying perfection in it all, the underlying oneness in it all.


The practice of Zazen is a complete expression of life and so reflects all of life. People often think what sitting in Zazen ‘should’ be is some blessed out state, complete peace and serenity, utter stillness, complete oneness. And certainly for some moments during sitting, even for entire sitting or even days you do become very still, very settled, there is a dropping off of mind and body, you can feel the aliveness of every cell of your body, feel like you are not breathing but being breathed by God, and experience the most profound experiences of peace I have ever known.
But there are also times when you are completely distracted by your thoughts, dragged every which way by them, you are completely distracted by your physical discomfort, your legs are numb and feel like they are about to fall off, your back tightens and wont seem to relax , your shoulders keep tensing, you are in so much pain you just want to stand up and walk out, you are so bored you feel like biting through your own tongue just for something to do, for some excitement. Most of the time though, you are just somewhere in between all that, nothing extreme at all, just sitting, wobbling between comfort and discomfort, tension and relaxation, stillness and distraction. You experience is just as it is, just sitting.


And so people begin to categorise their experience of sitting in Zazen, the peaceful, blissful moments get classified as a ‘good sitting’ the distracted, uncomfortable ones as ‘bad sitting’ . But really any such distinction is simply illusion. I’ve come to realise that my experience is perfect no matter what, that we are always wobbling, not between good or bad, but between perfection and perfection. What could be more perfect than what is?


Why would you bother doing something like that? People may ask- sounds horrible.
To me that question is the same as asking , why would you bother living?


Our lives reflect this in entirety, wobbling between perfection, that we judge and perceive as good or bad. We imagine that through our experiences we move along a line that at one end is bad and the other end is good. We all desperately try to crawl our way along that line, to finally reach the end, to reach the bliss that it promises, but it always seem we take one step forwards and two steps back on this line, the bad point of it constantly chasing our tail, creeping up on us as we look back in fear.


But if we just let go of our own judgement , of our limited perceptions, to see beyond what our vision can see, we could see, that’s both points of the line are one and the same, perfection, we are not travelling along some line at all, we are centred within a circle, perfection all around us, and we are the circle too. The great wobbling between two points that are the same, within a circle, is really no movement at all, in fact it is utter perfect stillness- Our wobbling is stillness.


It once took my heart to be broken for me to realise what was truly inside it, an unconditional love, with no opposite. To judge the situation , to call the pain of a broken heart ‘bad’ would have been to make myself blind and deaf to something magnificent, something so very beautiful, the sight and sound of my heart being broken open, opening up to that stillness that was always there, that was always ‘me’ unmoved by the seeming changes of the tide.


Fear not experiences changing, forms seeming to come and seeming to go, they are all perfect, all happening for some reason unfolding, one experience closes over so another can blossom. And they are all so very still.


Everything that happens is simply just s it is, through our perception we can see any experience as either an angel reaching down from the heavens and helping us along our way, showing us the beauty all around us, or we can see it as a demon dragging us through the dirt, holding us in darkness.
If both are illusion the question is, which one empowers us more?
You cant fight against the darkness and win, but if you just let go , just surrender, the light comes in all by itself, the demon you were facing becomes an angel, the darkness, light.


Many of us spend years stumbling through the darkness, searching for the light and joy of life. We blunder along waiting for the light to shine, trying to remain faithful, open and ready to respond. But in spite of all our efforts, the place , the timing, and the occasion of our enlightenment are often determined by forces greater than our own.- Tom Cowan


Relax- its supposed to happen!
The Adventure Awaits….
**This is a republished post from my old blog Brutal Training – Europe**

Where Heaven Begins

I drift away effortlessly into the moment and everything that arises, every single thing is sheer beauty, I am mesmerized. But what is that makes me melt way into the here and now, what is it that reveals to me so much divine beauty?
Is it the moment itself? Is it the still silence that holds all of this that is happening, that is holding this ever changing canvas, holding all of existence in its mighty paw, the nothingness, that allows all this beautiful experience to be?
I drift away effortlessly into the moment and everything that arises, every single thing is sheer beauty. But what is that makes me melt way into the here and now, what is it that reveals to me so much divine beauty?
Is it the Scottish wilderness I see as I pass through the mighty hills and mountains, is it the brilliant colours emerging from the darkness, reflected by the first shimmering of light, is it the strange but beautiful shapes cut away into the sides of hills and rocks by the master sculptor of nature? Is it the way the stream flows down from the hillsides echoing a brilliant shimmer of life.
Is it the way a lone tree hangs precariously on the edge of a hill top, living and expressing fully each and every moment? Is it the soothing noise of the pouring rain outside of the car, the life pouring from the heavens , is it this time of day, on the cusp between night and day, where a small shimmer of the breaking sun illuminates the darkness, this time when the veils between heaven and earth are thinnest. Is it the silence inside the car, is it the beating hearts of those around me, the gentle rhythms of their breath as they sleep, is it the angel sleeping on my shoulder, is it the company I’m with?
Or is it the still silence of right here, right now that is holding all this… that is experiencing all this in a single moment through my eyes, this moment where I no longer know where the earth ends and heaven begins.


And it no longer matters what it is………..


We like to separate things, reality and non reality, form and emptiness, stillness and movement, spiritual and mundane, heaven and earth. But in reality, there is no such distinction.


Form is emptiness , emptiness is form- Heart Sutra.


What arises in the moment and the moment which holds it are two sides of the same golden coin, they cannot be separated, or categorised, they are each, one and other- only one.


Every single thing that arises in this moment, every single experience, every action you take, every thought you think, every feeling you have, every once of joy, every once of sadness, every single thing is a facet to the same brilliant diamond that reflects the most beautiful of all lights.
And that diamond, that brilliant diamond that holds within it an entire universe is your own heart, the light it reflects…..
Is you.


In the most serene stillness there is movement, and in that complete movement lies the most perfect stillness.


The Adventure Awaits………

Unfolding Perfection

We never know what is going to happen next, never know where we will go, what we will do, or with whom.

We know fully the universal magnitude of what we do, the unfolding perfect reasons why we are guided by our hearts and master within to walk a certain path, to take a certain action, to follow our love, to allow to express through us this perfect unfolding.

We can conceptualise and try to give intellectual reasons for what we do, or for what we love, but really we have no idea why.

Maybe we never will

And that is OK.

I do know however that we will always find ourselves exactly where we need to be, doing exactly what needs to be done, with the people we need to be with.

God expresses perfection in every single moment.

Our actions are not our own to claim, our desires are not our own to claim, what we love is not our own to claim, we are simply the vehicle of expression of that love, of the moment itself, of the universe, of God.

What we do in this lifetime is not ours to claim and feel pride for, for they are not works of the human mind, they are the works of cosmic intelligence.

Who is it exactly who claims anything to be there own?

And so we can reach out and embrace whatever may come, not in fear, but rather in knowing that whatever comes, wherever the wind may blow us, wherever the wave may take us, its all perfect, everything happens for a reason, a reason far beyond out intellectual understanding.

And that is OK.

We don’t need to try and control what our hearts guide us to do, what arises, try to control some outcome, but rather completely surrender, and realize that the notion we have any control what so ever over what happens is the illusion.

Its not a case of either letting or not letting God express through us, of having control or letting go, its a case of letting ourselves realize the illusion is that we have control. You can either become one and fully surrender or you can split yourself and try to resist. Resistance is creating illusion.

Letting go into the arms of God, is not letting go of control, for we never had it in the first place, its letting go of illusion.

Surrender is surrendering our resistance, our illusion.

Hand it all over, for it was never yours in the first place.

Follow your heart and nothing else

Notice how present a flower is, how surrendered to life- Eckhart Tolle

The Aventure awaits…..

Behind The Dragon’s Fire

One thing that has become apparent to me time and time again is this- The dreams we have, we never know where they will lead us, but we have to follow them with all our passion, all our intent, no matter how difficult the road may seem, how slim our chances may appear, no matter how much anyone else tells you you cant do it, or its impossible, just follow them.
When you have a dream of any sort, or many- I know I have heaps! One that when you think about you feel tremendous joy and passion flowing through your body, when the hair on the back of your neck stands up, when you have a moment of insight ‘knowing’ this is what you should do, when you feel Love, for whatever it may be, maybe its an extension of something you already do, that makes you feel so much joy, a sport you play, a subject you study, a person who’s company makes you happy, whatever it is, you must trust it and follow it.
But we never know where following will lead us, you may very well manifest your dream into your physical experience, and enjoy every bit of it, or its manifestation may very well lead you on to another dream, all in a gradual flowering and evolving of your being, or maybe you don’t even go all the way to the end of your dream, maybe the pursuit of it leads you to something else that feels even more joyous that you may never had realized had you not had the initial courage to follow your dreams. There is no end really, no beginning either, just following your passions and love, wherever they lead.
As I look back over the experience I’ve had in this lifetime, it simply amazes me where following my passions and dreams has led me, many have been pursued until the seeming end vision burning in my mind has manifested, only to grow and evolve even more, limitation fallen away and boundaries shattered, some the pursuit of with all my passion and intent have led me to other dreams that i was not able to see before, whatever your dreams are, they are simply to be enjoyed for however long they last, through all their own evolution. They wont ever deliver you happiness, they are an expression of the happiness that you already are. The unfolding of your being and its mission here now, in this time, in this body.
But maybe in the very same instance you envision your dreams and a shiver of excitement runs down your spine, and a fire fills you within, in that same instance your mind filled with doubts creeps in. You start thinking how will you ever manage to do that, you cant see a way and think it impossible, your mind will offer you a million and one reasons why you cant, a million and one reasons why you are not good enough, why you are not worthy, why its impossible. Impossible is nothing and the very fact that you are here, right now, in this body means you are good enough, means you are worthy, its every single being in this universes birth right to feel joy , happiness and love.
Do not turn your mind to how something will be achieved, just focus your thoughts, your intent, your passion on your dreams, believe in them, trust them, and do whatever action is necessary in this moment, that may very well be doing nothing. Trust them , you do not know where they will lead.
You don’t need other peoples support and belief in you either, even if every single person in the world told it was impossible, it matters not, you don’t need other peoples support, you don’t need other peoples approval, you are not living your life for anyone else, you only need your own dreams, the courage and passion to follow them and your own belief in them. Maybe your fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who encourage you to follow your dreams and who give you the greatest gift by seeing you as the unlimited being that you are. And even if you don’t right now, trust in your dreams enough and you will soon find yourself surrounded by these people. I consider myself to be lucky i have a handful of true friends in my life, they type that you tell you want to be Tarzan and go and live in the jungle, and they don’t tell you you are a lunatic, they come with you to the airport.
Is it really just luck?
Or the fact that I’ve always followed my dreams no matter what that these people are in my life?
Maybe its the things we fear most that conceal our greatest of dreams, Maybe its the sport you want to play at the highest level, but your doubts tell you aren’t strong enough , or fast enough, maybe its the music or art you want to create, but your doubts tell you you aren’t talented enough, or you don’t have enough creative spark, maybe its the person that you feel a connection with, or that you really like, or maybe someone you already love, but your doubts tell you they could never feel the same way, maybe its the world you want to travel, but your doubts tell you you will never have the funds to do it. Maybe its all these doubts all these fears that are stopping you becoming the next champion, creating the most beautiful piece of art or music the world has seen, stopping you asking that girl or guy out, or telling someone how you feel, or getting on that plane or pirate ship. Maybe its all those fears and doubts that are stopping you realizing your own true dreams. Maybe its all those fears and doubts that are preventing you from living your own life’s purpose. Maybe its all those fears and doubts that are standing in your way of being an inspiration to countless people who’s hearts you will touch by being true to yourself. Maybe its all those fears and doubts and not lack of skill, lack of potential, lack of gifts or talents or love that aren’t allowing you to shine like the stars you are made from!
And maybe its those things masked by the greatest fear you need to follow the most
Our deepest fears are like Dragons
Guarding our deepest treasure- Rainer Maria Rilke
The Adventure awaits………
This is a republished post from my old site Brutal Training – Europe

Learning To Fly

Since I was 12 years old, the driving force in my life, my love, my passion, has been for sport and physical training. It has evolved and grew, and been my main form of expression, my life.

I have ended careers, relationships, slept in the street, traveled all over the world and invested my entirety in the pursuit of physical training.

It has been with me through some of the toughest times in my life, the one thing i could always turn to in my moment of need, the one thing when everything else was falling down round about me I could find peace in, I could find quiet in, I could find love in.

It wasn’t just physical exercise, it was never about getting healthy, getting strong, getting ripped, becoming great at a particular skill set, these were all just side effects.

To me it was always a meditation, when the entire notion of David dropped off, and all that remained was the moment, was the action, it was a spiritual experience.

A few years ago when I had just returned from Australia, I had been carrying an ongoing shoulder injury for a while, it had been getting progressively worse. I began a course of physical therapy and rehab in an attempt to remedy it. Then, all a sudden, my other shoulder completely blew out.

Two days later, both my knees and hip blew out. I had no idea what was going on.

I went to the doctors and they referred me on to various specialist and physiotherapists and began doing a series of blood tests to see if anything was underlying.

In the next few days, I became incredibly ill, having to sleep about 20 hours a day and absolutely exhausted at even the simplest of tasks like tying my shoes.

My body was in constant agony.

At that time I had experienced my fair share of physical pain, training, fighting, injuries, marathon tattoo sessions, had the beat down more than a few times, and I would rather be getting ground and pounded 24 hours a day than have the pain I was experiencing then.

Emotionally I was spiraling fast into an intense depression.

Here I was an athlete whose fitness was almost legendary with anyone I’d ever trained with, pretty much a cripple within a week.

I’ve faced some troubling times in my short life, I’ve watched the person I loved most die, watched the person I respected most fall before my eyes, I’ve had my heart broken numerous times, I’ve had guns shoved in my face, been imprisoned, faced my own death, and a whole host of other challenges, but this, even faced with the very idea of not being able to train, hurt more than anything else.

It was killing me.

The tests form the doctors came back, and I was sent for more and more, yet nothing was revealed, the doctors were completely puzzled and in their utter confusion fell back to their safety net- Take this medication, and that medication.

I wasn’t about to start polluting my already compromised system with chemicals. I’ve never taken medication, and never will.

For the structural issues I began working with physios and was put on waiting lists for to see specialists and MRI scans and the like.

I was left alone in the dark, to find my own way out, the doctors had no answers.

I’d have to go this alone.

This next piece was something wrote about 3 am one morning, unable to sleep, when my pain both physically and emotionally was at its highest. It was both my darkest night, and the turn around in my mind and heart, the breaking of the dawn.

The night is always darkest, right before the dawn.

What is it I want? What is it I want? Or more so, what is it that wants me? What is my mission? Why am i here? What have i to do in this lifetime? For so very long, these questions burned within my soul, i asked them constantly, looking for meaning, for reason. But does knowing the answer- as much as one can ever know the answer in this ever-changing moment- does that bring us happiness?

Over the last few days, four of the people closest to me, have told me they are unhappy with the way their lives are unfolding. They have all the ‘things’ and comforts that society tells us is is success, and more. On the surface of their lives, it may appear like a fairy tale. But still all have voiced, there is no depth to it, they do not know if it is truly what they want in life, or in other words if it is a true expression of their spirit.

Underneath the distractions of their lives, there was an unrelenting calling, a calling, to break the mold, to break free, to follow their own destiny. But the most frightening thing, is to face yourself, not the idea or concept of yourself, but your very being, right here, right now. Facing that silence of ourselves, can be the most frightening thing you will ever do, it is to die before you die, but out of that silence, can rise an inspiration and passion to walk your own path toward your destiny. But does knowing this, does knowing where you want to go and what you want to do, does it bring the happiness we seek? I used to think it would, but now, i do not know.

As I lie awake, sleepless in the night, there is no confusion about what I wish to do, it as clear as the moon on this cloudless night. It is a single arrow, going straight towards its target. I have no fear of death, I’ve walked in the land of the dead and know it is only love, there is nothing to fear. If i die when I’m 30 or a 130 it makes no difference to me, I’m ready to go at a moments notice. I don’t mind what ups and down happen on the surface of my life, i don’t mind if i land my dream job, if never reach my goals, if I fail in the eyes of the world, If i have nothing, I don’t mind, for i have everything i can ever have. I don’t mind if I ever fall in love again, for i already love everyone, every persons eyes i look into i feel oneness, and feel love.

The only thing that I mind is being able to live my life with vibrant health and vitality and express fully here and now in this physical world. To feel my body move, to run in the sand, to climb the mountain, to swim in the sea, without these things i feel stuck between two worlds.

Between the physical world and the unmanifested. I smile to the world, enjoying the interactions with others, and giving all the love i can, needing nothing in return. But in the silence of the night i scream, a silent scream nobody else can ever hear. I scream straight to the source of all things, that if i cannot express here and now in this physical body, then take me now. I don’t care if it all ends tonight, but don’t leave me hanging between worlds, Like an angel with broken wings, I cannot fly home and i can give light here on earth. Barred from the gates of heaven and unable to express the love, the fire and the light that burns inside me, burns me up.

Sometimes in the night, I pray I can just go home, sometimes when driving in the car, i dream of collision, and my own breaking free. If i could only start again, i think, start fresh ,new born into the world again, wings intact, what could i do? But the fact I’m still here, means its not my time to start again, i can never start again, I can only realize everything is just beginning, right here, right now. But what do you do when the very thing you feel most inspired to do, feels like the only thing you cant? When your wings are broken, do you keep trying to fly? 

Maybe, the most important thing is that trying, no matter what happens, even if it leads to your own death. Maybe freedom is the only truth, and freedom is in action, right here, right now. Why is it i feel my life should express in certain way? Is it my ego? Have i created some self that i think i must be? Is it a mask? Am I trying to live up to this idea of David  the athlete? 

And so maybe after all, knowing what you want to express, feeling inspired to walk some path, or feeling completely lost and not knowing what the hell you want to express and where your inspiration lies, maybe it matters not. Its not the knowing or unknowing that causes us suffering. Its wanting things to be different than they are right now, its being here and wanting to be there. and maybe just being in the here and now, with the confusion, the clouds will part and action will be apparent. Maybe its being here with the fire burning inside and again and again, no matter how long it takes, no matter how badly broken you think you are, just trying to fly. No matter how many times you fall, just getting back up, keep going, keep walking. The very trying is the doing, is the expression, its what lets your light shine.

So, what happened next?

I have my own theories about what was affecting me but through my own research and experimentation I managed to reverse the illness.

My energy returned, in fact, it became greater than it ever was.

The constant pain was gone, leaving a feeling of lightness and vitality.

All this I did through manipulation of diet, and other healing modalities.

I asked myself why did i suffer so much emotionally at the beginning of this?

I realize i was attached to the idea of myself as an athlete, as someone with great strength and flexibility. I had already faced death of my physical being and was at complete peace with that, but i had to learn to die to my notion of myself whilst i lived.

Does that mean i gave up my athletic pursuits and dreams?

Hell no!

It means i stopped believing i had to be a certain way to be expressing that.

The expression I love so much is movement of my body, about expressing the warriors spirit. All the rehab stuff was doing, and would have to continue to do along this path, is the expressing, walking this path, no matter what, no matter how many times i get knocked down, no matter how much pain i go through, no matter how bad it gets, is the warriors spirit expressing.

It’s not about winning, its not about succeeding, its not about achieving some state of imagined perfection, but about doing, right here, right now, even if that means doing nothing.

It’s about never, ever, giving up on your path, no matter what. Its about finding the courage to continue on, no matter what happens.

This IS your expression!

A warrior is not about perfection or victory or invulnerability. He’s about absolute vulnerability- Socrates

What matters is not how hard you need to push yourself or how much others think what you have done is great or tough, or how much physical strength you have, but rather how much heart and love you bring to what you do.

A warrior does not give up what he loves, he finds the love in what he does – Socrates

The adventure awaits….


**This is a republished post from my old site Brutal Training – Europe**

The Phoenix of Stillness

The universe manifests itself through us at every single moment, it is us, and is the moment itself.
The manifest world seems to change, old forms dying, new forms being born , one moment, one hour, one day, one year, one lifetime ending and a new one constantly being reborn. The moment itself which we are completely inseparable from seems to die and be born anew.
The phoenix has been a symbol throughout many cultures and many thousands of years for this cycle of death and rebirth, of new rising from the ashes of the old.
A phoenix is a mythical bird with a tail that is beautiful gold and red plumage. At the end of its life-cycle the phoenix builds itself a nest of cinnamon twigs that it then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix arises.
This appears to us as apparent truth, and on the surface of things, it certainly is. But as we go deeper down the rabbit hole that is reality an entirely different truth begins to be realized.
Hold on Alice-


There is no birth and no death, there just is


There is only ever right now, there is complete expression right now, nothing else, no before, no after, just this moment as it is right now. The past exists in you as a memory, but it exists right now, the future lives as a dream, but it dreams through you right now.
In this fleeting moment, in this complete expression of everything and no-thing there is complete and utter stillness, no motion that is the womb for all motion.
For birth and death there must be ‘someone’ or ‘something’ to be born and to die, and this takes us to the very question that echoes like thunder into reality- who is this me?
What we think we are and what we believe other things around us to be are mental concepts we use to label and differentiate, the ego, its opinions and its beliefs.
That is not to say there isn’t something …..


Something ineffable


The phoenix that lives, the phoenix that dies, the phoenix that burns up, the phoenix that rises above the flames at every stage, at every moment, just is, it is complete expression right now. At the heart of its evolution, at the heart of beauty at the heart of its rising, there is only stillness, there is no best or greatest moment that its been waiting for, it expresses fully, every moment. In this moment it is, and so are you!
Its always just beginning.
Everything is always just beginning- Jakusho Kwong


The Adventure awaits……
**This is a republished blog from my old site Brutal Training – Europe**

Handbalancing For Strength

I’ve always enjoyed hand-balancing, for as long as i can remember I’ve always been trying to kick up to handstands and walk around on my hands.

Handstands have always been part of training routine usually in the form of a finisher of a static hold or walking a distance on my hands.

But I started training hand-balancing much more as an art in itself a few years ago, and my strength gain has been awesome.

I feel the carryover that hand-balancing has to other sports is great, you will develop a much greater sense of balance, incredible shoulder strength and flexibility, total body strength and control, core strength, you will in fact strengthen your whole body through the simple act of inverting yourself.

And then there is the therapeutic benefit of spinal decompression and so forth.

For my sport of parkour the strength qualities gained from hand-balancing are extremely useful but I do feel that they would carry over to any sport and besides its just plane fun.

You could add hand-balancing into your routine as I once did as a finisher or as part of a circuit etc, or training it on its own, one of the best ways to train I feel is to set a timer for around 15- 20 mins and just spend as much of that time as you can inverted, expect your shoulders to burn!!

The triceps, deltoid and traps seem to take most of the strain during handstands but the whole body works in unison and every muscle with be training, its like walking on your feet, its not just your quads that are working but instead your entire body.

Hand-balancing can be a great supplement to any training routine or it can become to you an art in itself where you want to explore how strong you can become at it, this has happened for me where i now want to work toward advanced hand-balancing and gymnastic strength like one-armed planches and such, i think the strength demonstrated in such moves is second to none!

Imagine holding your whole bodyweight horizontally with one arm, incredible!

It’s really up to you how far you wanna take it but training the basic moves of handstands and handstand walking will benefit you greatly in any sport or fitness goals.

The handstand-

practice first against a wall for safety and to get proper technique. Place your hands about 6 inches from the base of the wall, put your legs into a sprint start position, kick your feet up so the come to gently rest against the wall- i said gently! you may need to play around with how hard you kick for a bit to stop you underkicking or overkicking.

Right so now you are inverted- point your toes to the ceiling, keep your legs together, glutes tight, back straight and core tight- really tighten your core to get most control.

Keep your shoulders shrugged i.e pushing down into the ground through your hands, spread your fingers out wide and apply pressure through your fingertips, feel what the pressure does to your balance and play with it. Keep your head between your arm and try to avoid ‘looking through’ to much as this will round your spine, gaze through your eyebrows to the floor.

And that’s you in a handstand!

Keep the focus on total body tension and stay up for as long as you can or for time, to get down simply kick back of the wall with your feet and land on your feet, if you are working for 20 mins, shake off some relax for about 30 seconds and then go back up do this for the entire 20 minutes.

After you have gained some proficiency and strength against the wall try a free standing, if you over balance simply tuch your chin into you chest and do a forward roll to save yourself.

Handstand walking-

I see this pretty much as the way a baby learned to walk on there feet, by getting up staggering around, falling and getting up again, until they develop the strength and balance to walk and stand still, you are simply learning to walk again but only this time on your hands, learning how to contract all of the right muscles to keep you up just like a baby. Babies learning to walk develop strength and balance in their legs exceedingly quickly by this method of trial error and persistance, expect the same from walking on your hands.

Our legs by our movement of walking are extremely strong, if you spend a fraction of this time walking on your hands you will develop awesome strength, so add some hand-balancing and walking to your routine and see how it goes for you, but i don’t think you will be disappointed.

Every time I read something that impresses me about some physical feat i usually find out the person has been , is, or uses training methods of gymnastics.

Gymnastics is a passion for me but the carryover to my other sports has been the greatest i have ever had.


We all know that sometimes we let outside circumstances kill our motivation not only for our training but for everything in our lives, we can get trapped in downward spiral of negative energy and it can seem there is no way out….but there is.

Motivation can be affected in either positive or negative ways through outside circumstances, if we let it, but I’ve discovered that motivation is born from within and every single person has it, its up to us to find it and nurture it.

Sometimes you might feel like life has given you a severe kick in the nuts, you feel down, all your thoughts are negative, all your dreams washed away, so how then can you find this motivation?

You look! you look inside yourself for a tiny spark, a tiny fire that always burns in you, we are each blessed with motivation to pursue whatever it is we want to do or are intended to do.

You may have to look hard and deep, and it may only be a tiny spark but once you find it, its time to nurture it, give it oxygen let it turn into a tiny fire burning bright, then let it blaze, let it burn within you, feed it from inside of yourself, feed it positive energy and block all negative energy from getting to it.

Use outside methods to nurture this fire of motivation, it could come from a song, a quote, an affirmation, a book, a person, a movie, a love- the important thing is whatever it is that feeds it, give it, and give it lots, throw yourself into the fires of action.

Inside you have to believe, you have to have faith in the motivation, in that passion, in that fire, you have to decide to follow it with all your heart, it might seem like it has been extinguished sometimes, but you must look deep, find the spark and nurture it. Give it all your heart and never give up. Envision yourself doing whatever it is you want to be doing once more, see your success, feel it with every part of you, and the universe will answer your call.

Stop all negative emotions at the door, do let fear, self doubt, worry, or belief in failure creep in these negative emotions will only attract negative happenings as will positive attract positive.

So if you feel your motivation is dying, you feel down, you need to look within, find that tiny spark and feed it, feed it full of belief of positive energy and watch it grow once more, its in us all!!

‘All that we are,is the result of what we have thought’ -Buddha

Think positive!!!!!

Motivation lies within, its up to you to find it!


**This is a republished post from my old blog Brutal Training – Europe**

That Which Does Not Kill Us

Life can throw many situations and challenges in our own paths to greatness, you can view these either as a problems and get depressed about them and let them consume and defeat you, or you can find some spirit, look at them as a challenge, an opportunity to grow and forge an even greater spirit from it.

You cannot control what life throws your way, you cannot control that hurricane that hits, that storm that devastates what you can control however is your response. You can feel sorry for yourself, ask questions like ‘why me?’ and if you ask such questions you will find answers, even if they are bullshit.

Or you can see the situation look at it and say ‘ how can i turn this around?’ ‘how can i grow from this’ and again if you ask these questions you will receive the answers.

The universe doesn’t care whether or not you ask a positive or negative question, or think a positive or negative thought, it doest differentiate, it just gives you the answers you seek, gives you the why, the how.

That’s why depressed people stay depressed, they continually ask themselves questions like ‘why am i so miserable?’ ‘why am i so depressed’ ‘ this is terrible I’m never going to be able to turn this around’ and inevitably by asking these questions they will get answers to these questions.

But if you veil problems or situations as challenges, something to grow from, to learn from, something you can turn around and make better, if you view them as training to discover your own spirit ,your own strength, then these obstacles become stepping stones to your dreams.
If you think you are beaten you are!

‘we will either find a way, or we will make one’ – Hannibal

Ultimately, unwanted situations will happen in your life, you cannot control the actions of others, or the events of nature, you can however choose to respond positively, use the situation to grow and learn, use it as a stepping stone, and use it to strengthen your spirit. You may get knocked down, you may fail thousands of times, but one thing you can never do is give up, there is always a way, impossible is nothing, as long as you believe.

‘Its never over. Never stop fighting. Never give up. Never surrender. No matter how bad it gets no matter how deep your pain: persistence, faith in yourself and an unfaltering spirit will eventually break you free’ Dan Jansen

Everything happens for a reason, what you see as a problem in your life, on your path is brought to you to teach you something so that you can better travel your path, something that seems a big hurdle on any path, will make you stronger to walk that path.
The biggest battles we fight, the hardest mountains we climb, are definitely ones of the spiritual kind. These battles make any tough physical training vomit inducing session seem like a walk in the park, to look inside your self, to come face to face with your own fears, to choose to fly instead of fall in the face of challenges is to show true spirit. Let your emotions flow and let them go.

All challenges can be overcome.

I like Dan Millman’s take on this-

We are all peaceful warriors, because the battles we fight are on the inside.

It’s all training.

When challenges come your way, see them as a time to learn, to learn about yourself, learn how to improve, how to grow, and in the process you will uncover spirit you never thought you had, and then shine, like a great star, like a dragons fire ball.

Nothing is impossible to overcome, when you think all is lost, look inside of your self, into your heart, find the courage, the will, the love to fight on.

Stumbling blocks to stepping stones.

‘A warrior doesn’t give up what he loves,
he finds the love in what he does’- Socrates